Farewell to Forever: What The Fox & The Hound Taught Me About Navigating the End of a Long-Term Friendship

I don’t watch a lot of movies. It’s no secret that I don’t own a TV or pay for any streaming services, and I honestly don’t have the attention span to make it through an entire film.

However, I have found that when I’m taking out my braids, watching something on my laptop is a nice way to pass the time. Recently, while I was untangling twists from my scalp, I decided to watch something I haven’t watched in at least 20 years: The Fox and The Hound.

If you haven’t watched it in the last decade, it’s definitely more applicable as an adult, and while I remember it being a sad flick as a child, it cut much deeper this time around.

In the last year, I cut off a friend who I truly believed was going to be in my life for the long haul. But, life doesn’t always go the way we plan, and I’ve been trying to get better at letting go of things that just aren’t for me.

For a litany of reasons (which I’m not going to get into today), I realized that this friend was no longer the person I thought they were, and upon further introspection, realized how lopsided (and at times, one-sided) our friendship had become.

Friendships can be the cornerstone of our lives, providing support, joy, and companionship. However, not all friendships stand the test of time. Just as romantic relationships can come to an end, long-term friendships may also face an inevitable breakup. While often overlooked, the pain and heartache that arise from ending such friendships are no less profound.

Today, I want explore the emotional turmoil that accompanies the dissolution of long-standing friendships and offer strategies for healing and moving forward.

The Nature of Long-Term Friendships
Long-term friendships are built upon shared experiences, trust, and a deep emotional connection. They weather various storms, offering solace during tough times and celebrating life’s triumphs. These bonds can be as strong, if not stronger, than familial relationships. Despite their solid foundations, long-term friendships are not immune to change or the passage of time.

In the movie The Fox and The Hound, Tod (the fox) and Copper (the hound) meet during their childhood. They play, laugh, and enjoy life together, and in one scene, Tod looks Copper and says, “We’ll always be friends forever, won’t we?” And Copper responds, “Yeah, forever.”

That’s how I’m sure we all look at friendships. Through the lens that they are permanent, will always be easy, carefree, and fun — and that we will always feel supported by this person that we care for deeply. Of course, that’s not how friendships work, but even as they ebb and flow, we tend to believe that we will be able to work through tough times or grow through challenges.

There’s a character in the movie, an owl by the name of Big Mama who teaches Tod a hard truth: Darlin’, forever is a long, long time, and time has a way of changin’ things.

Time marches on and always has a way of changing things, especially people. Sometimes the changes create chasms that can no longer be crossed and the challenges you were once able to tackle head-on with your friend become insurmountable.

Knowing that your paths become irreconcilably different is a bitter pill to swallow. When I realized that we wouldn’t be making any more new memories together, our inside jokes would never be told again, and that I’d have to throw away the key to the deep, sometimes dark secrets that were locked away — I had to face the disappointment of realizing people do change, and sometimes not for the better.

Recognizing the Signs
The decision to end a friendship is rarely reached lightly. It often stems from a gradual realization that the friendship no longer serves both parties’ best interests or that significant changes have occurred within one or both individuals’ lives. Signs may include increased conflict or disagreements, a loss of common interests, or a growing feeling of emotional detachment.

There are three scenes in The Fox and The Hound resonated deeply with me and the ideas of friendship. First, there is a side story running through the duration of the film which involves two characters, Boomer and Dinky, who are continually chasing around a caterpillar.

Their clever attempts prove futile on multiple occasions, and in their final attempt to catch the caterpillar, they’re certain they’re going be victorious. But as the peer into the tree where the caterpillar is hiding out, a bright light flashes and — POOF! A butterfly comes fluttering out of the hollow.

To me, this side story represents 2 things: First, even when you believe something to be constant, it can change abruptly. Boomer and Dinky were convinced that their routine wouldn’t change. They would continue to chase the caterpillar until they caught it. In the same way, we never think the dynamics of our friendships will change so drastically. But the fact is, they can and they do — sometimes quite quickly.

Secondly, much like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, people can go through monumental changes and transformations. Just as the butterfly was now able to fly away from his old life away from Dinky and Boomer, sometimes you also have to spread your new wings and fly away into your new life without an old friend.

Next, there’s a heart-wrenching scene where the Widow Tweed, who raised Tod since he was just a kit, drops him off in the forest (really for his own good and safety) and drives away to leave him to fend for himself.

When I moved away, I drove myself to Minnesota, yet I still remember plopping down into unfamiliar territory and being left to figure things out on my own. It’s often in moments of great isolation that significant growth begins to happen. What I learned is that during these times, people either grow together, or they grow apart. In my case, this began the sad journey of growing apart.

Finally, outside forces have a lot more to do with the success of a friendship than most people realize. The initial rift between Tod and Copper begins when Amos (who is Copper’s owner) tells him that he’s supposed to hunt Tod.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I never felt like my friendship with the person was about to turn into “The Most Dangerous Game”, rather, I see Amos as a metaphor for the powers that be — society, career, change in values, other social influences, etc. — that begin to chip away at the foundation of a friendship. In fact, these forces are so powerful in the movie that Copper and Tod begin to hate each other.

Still, it’s in our nature to protect someone we used to care about, even if our conditioning tells us otherwise. This is apparent when Copper is literally hunting Tod and a bear comes out of the woods and tries to attack Copper. Tod swoops in and viciously goes after the bear, saving his former friend from certain doom. Even after several hurtful exchanges with my former friend, I wasn’t completely ready to throw them to the wolves. There was still enough of a past there to want to be there if they really needed me.

The Pain of Letting Go
The climax of the film is when Amos has Tod cornered in a pond and is ready to shoot him. Copper steps up to defend his old friend, standing over Tod and refusing to let the hunter catch his prey. An infuriated Amos eventually walks away.

As Copper steps out of the water, he looks back at Tod and gives a crooked, winsome smile. Neither says anything, and Tod returns the gesture with a melancholy grin. The two part ways, and never speak again. Sometimes too much has happened to repair the past, and sometimes there are no words to be said that will change the outcome of the inevitable.

I quiet quit on my friend. Some people might call it ghosting, but I don’t see it that way. There were too many words to say too late, too much pain caused, and even if I explained how I felt, I knew it would likely be met with resistance and defensiveness. I wish my former friend no ill will — I simply chose to walk away from something that would never be what it once was.

Actually, “simply” might not be the right word. The end of a long-term friendship can evoke a range of emotions, including grief, confusion, anger, and sadness. The pain experienced mirrors that of romantic breakups, as the loss of a trusted confidante and support system can be deeply unsettling. The emotional void left by a once cherished friend can leave us feeling adrift and questioning our judgment, self-worth, and the depth of our past connection.

The Stages of Grief
I mourned my decision before I actually made the call to completely cut this person out of my life. I cried, was angry, thought about what I could do to turn the ship around, and was very tormented and sad that I was going to lose someone who I shared so much history with.

Ending a long-term friendship prompts a grieving process akin to the stages described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the renowned psychiatrist who outlined the five stages of grief. Initially, denial may manifest as shock and disbelief that the friendship has reached its end.

As reality sinks in, anger may arise, directed towards oneself, the friend, or external circumstances. Bargaining follows, with attempts to salvage the relationship or search for alternative solutions. Depression may set in as the realization of loss deepens. Finally, acceptance offers hope and paves the way for healing and moving forward.

Coping Strategies
Losing a friend is tough, but there were a few things I used to navigate the pain of ending a long-term friendship. Here are some coping strategies can aid in the healing process:

1. Reflect and honor the friendship: Acknowledging the significance of the friendship and cherishing the memories can be cathartic and help give closure.
2. Realize the magnitude: Some things cannot ever be repaired or replaced. Once they are gone, they are gone, and there’s nothing you can do but understand this hard lesson is an important part of the healing journey.
3. Seek support: Reach out to trusted family members, other friends, or professional counselors who can provide a listening ear and offer guidance during this vulnerable time.
4. Allow yourself time to heal: Give yourself permission to grieve and process the emotions associated with the loss. Understanding that healing takes time is crucial for moving forward.
5. Engage in self-care: Prioritize self-care activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, meditation, spending time in nature, or indulging in hobbies and interests.
6. Cultivate new connections: Explore opportunities to meet new people and expand your social network. Join clubs, participate in events, or engage in activities that allow you to connect with like-minded individuals.
7. Learn and grow from the experience: Reflect on the reasons behind the friendship’s demise. Recognize the areas for personal growth and self-improvement, and use the opportunity to become more self-aware.

Conclusion
None of us is immune to having the people we love and care about hurting us or leaving our lives one day. Circling back to that heart-wrenching part of the movie when the Widow Tweed is driving Tod off into the forest for an unknown fate, she recites a poem, reminding us that sometimes the best place to keep those we care about is in our hearts and memories:

Remember how we used to play?
I recall those rainy days
The fire’s glow that kept us warm
And now I find, we’re both alone

Goodbye may seem forever
Farewell is like the end
But in my heart is a memory
And there you’ll always be

Despite his initial loneliness, Tod learned to thrive in his new life. It’s often at our lowest points that we learn to be the most independent and authentic versions of ourselves. Tod also worked on cultivating new connections, and it’s during this time that he finds a forever best friend, a fellow fox named Vixey. The film ends with Tod and Vixey overlooking Tod’s old home at the Widow Tweed’s homestead. Sometimes you can’t go home — but you can look back and cherish the good times and the memories that you share with someone who was once a very close and wonderful friend.

Ending a long-term friendship is a painful and challenging experience. The emotional toll can be significant, affecting our mental well-being and sense of self. While the grief and heartache may seem insurmountable, it is essential to acknowledge the pain, seek support, and engage in self-care practices. Using these strategies, we can gradually heal, grow, and navigate life’s journey with renewed strength and resilience.

Remember, each ending is an opportunity for new beginnings.